[Situationship Series] 7 Signs Your Date is Playing Games and How to Stay Grounded using Somatic Psychology
Are you in a situationship that's giving more than it's taking? Perhaps the relationship leaves you feeling anxious, moody, and at the whim of your date's next inclination to text you? If so, you are not alone! Nobody likes the feeling of being anxious and on edge in a dating situation, but our job here at Lovewell is to help you get through these difficult dating moments with integrity, peace, and a sense of well-being.
Integrating somatic psychotherapy tools into your dating life can help you stay grounded and connected to your needs, feelings, and your body, especially when navigating emotionally complex situations like dating. Here are some signs you may be dealing with a potential date whose intentions are not to create a relationship and how to use somatic tools to stay calm and redirect your energy.
- Inconsistent Communication
Your date's communication is inconsistent in terms of when they text, how detailed it is, and the quality of what they are saying. This encompasses breadcrumbing behavior as well as love bombing and ghosting. You likely are left feeling anxious, confused, or insecure.
Somatic Tool: Grounding Techniques
When you notice your anxiety rising from this communication style, try this: Stand or sit with your feet flat on the ground. Visualize that there are tree roots growing from your feet down through all the layers of the Earth and into the very core of the earth. Focus on your breathing, inhaling deeply into your belly and exhaling slowly.
- They Avoid Defining the Relationship
Perhaps your date is ambiguous about their intentions for the relationship, and provide unclear or evasive answers when asked directly. Needless to stay, feeling ambiguity about where you stand in a relationship can leave you feeling physical, mental, and emotional tension.
Somatic Tool: Body Scanning
Sit or lie down. Scan your body from head to toe by visualizing each area of your body. You can use the free body scan meditation on our meditations page. Observe and notice areas of tension or discomfort without trying to alter them. Is your chest tight? Are your shoulders tense? Allow these sensations to be as they are without judging yourself or trying to force yourself to relax. Just observing them can allow a natural release of the physical stress and uncertainty you are carrying. Next, after you are aware of these sensations, practice deep breathing into these areas, allowing them to soften and release with each exhale.
- They’re Always “Too Busy”
Their constant busyness can leave you feeling undervalued, and like you are last priority.
Somatic Tool: Tune into Your Body’s Signals
When they cancel plans, check in with your body. Do you feel tightness in your chest, tingling in your fingers, or perhaps a knot in your stomach? Are you holding your breath? Take these somatic reactions as your body’s way of telling you that you’re needs aren't getting met here. Instead of suppressing these feelings, acknowledge them. Place a hand on your heart or belly and take a few deep breaths, sending yourself a bit of compassion and love. This can help you process your emotions and decide how to respond in a way that feels good and aligned for you.
- Mixed Signals
Mixed signals can be incredibly confusing and can make you feel disempowered and doubt your intuition.
Somatic Tool: Mindful Movement
Engage in mindful movement. Yoga or tai chi or even dancing or doing some free movement like stretching, can help you reconnect with your body. As you make different movements, pay attention to what feels right or wrong in your body. This can help you build a stronger connection to your intuition and what feels good, making it easier to discern mixed signals and what doesn't feel good to you about this situation.
- They don’t address inconsistencies in their behavior.
Perhaps the intensity of their words doesn’t match their actions or follow up. This creates mistrust and uncertainty which can manifest as tension in your body.
Somatic Tool: Self-Soothing Techniques
If you feel uneasy about the gap between what it feels like when you are with them and how you feel when you are separate, try a self-soothing technique. Gently hold your own hand or put a hand on your heart or shoulder, as if you were comforting a friend. You can also place your hands over your heart and take slow, deep breaths. This may feel funny at first, but your body registers your own touch similarly to how it registers the touch of a friend. This simple act of self-compassion can help calm your nervous system and create a sense of safety in your body. You can also use the MSC Break meditation to make sense of and validate how you are feeling.
- They Make You Doubt Your Perspective
If someone you are dating invalidates things you say - from statements about your preferences or feelings or even the relationship - this can leave you questioning your reality. If you feel confused and invalidated, your boundaries are likely being crossed and you may feel this as tension in your chest or body.
Somatic Tool: Boundary Visualization
Close your eyes. Imagine a protective shield around you - this can be translucent, etheric, steel, cotton, or something else. It can be golden, white, rainbow colored, or whatever you picture. See where your imagination takes you. Imagine this shield as a strong, flexible barrier that lets in the energy that supports you and lets out anything harmful. When you feel someone is trying to manipulate or discredit you, bring this image to mind. This can help you reinforce your emotional boundaries and maintain your sense of self.
- You Feel Drained Instead of Energized
If spending time with your date takes more energy than it gives you, it’s a sign that the relationship might not be supporting your overall well-being.
Somatic Tool: Energy Check-In
After spending time with your date, do an energy check-in. Sit quietly and notice how your body feels. Is your tank feeling full or empty or somewhere in between? Are you feeling overall light or heavy? If you’re feeling drained, try a simple movement like shaking out your arms, stomping your feet and legs, or taking a brisk walk to release stagnant energy. This practice can help you become more attuned to how different interactions affect your energy levels, guiding you in making decisions that support your well-being.
In the End, Choose You
Using these somatic tools can help you stay connected to your body’s wisdom and maintain your inner peace, no matter what games someone else might be playing. Remember, your well-being comes first, and you deserve a relationship that feels nurturing and aligned with your true self.
Stay grounded, trust your body’s signals, and always choose what’s best for you. Reach out to us if one of our certified coaches or licensed therapists can help! If you like the meditations and tools mentioned in this article, you can find more of those in our Tool and Meditation Libraries if you join The Portal, our online course center and community.
Q1: How can you tell if someone is playing games in a relationship?
A: Common signs of game-playing in relationships include inconsistent communication, reluctance to commit, breadcrumbing, and other behaviors geared to keep your emotions engaged in an unbalanced relationship. If your partner or date leaves you feeling confused about their feelings or the status of the relationship, they may not be totally sincere. Listening to your body's reactions, like tension or anxiety, can be helpful signs to pay attention to.
Q2: How can somatic techniques can reduce anxiety in uncertain dating situations?
A: Somatic techniques and practices like grounding, deep breathing, body scans, and and movement can help calm your nervous system and increase self-awareness. Being in a regulated state during dating makes it easier to act in alignment with your values and make better decisions.
Q3: How do you set boundaries in a situationship?
A: Clearly communicate your feelings and needs to your partner. For example, if random texting or vague plans create anxiety for you, let your partner know this and directly ask for consistent communication. Be prepared to walk away if you have asked for what you need more than once and you are still not getting your needs met.
