[Quiz] Are Truly Ready for Love? How to Know: An Intuitive Dating Readiness Guide

Have you ever wondered if you were ready to be in a relationship or not? As a mindful dating coach I have seen firsthand how difficult it can be for many people to answer this question. Relationship readiness is an important but often overlooked aspect of dating. How many times have you jumped into a relationship only to discover that either you or the person you are dating wakes up one day and realizes they are overwhelmed? Maybe you begin noticing feelings arise that the relationship is too much, too fast, too soon? It’s happened to most of us at least once in our lives. 

Why is it Important to Reflect on Relationship Readiness? 

As you might have experienced in the past, jumping into a relationship too quickly when one person isn’t ready can lead to a lot of heartache and messiness. Oftentimes this could have been avoided with some self reflection and a little communication.

How Can I Assess Relationship Readiness? 

The best way to assess relationship readiness is self-inquiry and self-reflection. Journaling, mindful self-awareness, self-reflection and coaching are all tools that can be leveraged to identify what stage of readiness you are in to engage in a relationship. 

At Lovewell, we designed a relationship readiness self-assessment tool to help with this reflection process. The questions borrow from other therapeutic assessment tools like Motivational Interviewing,  and assess how ready you are to make changes in your love life. This tool is about learning how to be honest with yourself, a key component of emotional readiness for a relationship. 

Honesty is not always easy, and if you’ve been in the dating scene for a while, there’s a good chance you may have built some protective walls. Protective walls are okay, but they can interfere with full authenticity and honesty if we’re not aware of the ways in which we’re protecting ourselves and unable to soften these walls.

One thing to note - what you score on the quiz today might be different than what you score on the quiz in three days, months, or years. These stages are not permanent, and we can shift in and out of them, much like jellyfish moving to different levels of depth in the ocean, depending on the current conditions of our life. If you are feeling unsure about your results and have tried self reflecting and journaling, it could be useful to work with a dating coach or therapist to support you in your reflection process.

Relationship Readiness Quiz

Rank the following questions on a 1 to 10 scale, with 1 indicating “very low” and 10 indicating “very high.”

Desire for a Relationship

1. How strong is my desire to be in a relationship?
2. I want to be in a relationship because I want to grow and support another’s growth, not because I feel incomplete.
3. I have taken action steps to show that I am ready to be in a relationship.
4. I am happy and successful being single: I don’t feel like I need a relationship, though I would like one.

Commitment

1. I am ready and available for commitment: I have no emotional or legal baggage from a previous relationship. My schedule, commitments, and lifestyle allow my availability to build a new relationship.
2. When I make a commitment in a relationship, I am not afraid to say it out loud, and I stick to it.
3. I do what I say I'm going to do when I say I'm going to do it 90% of the time, and when I don't, I communicate why.  

Communication

1. I’m willing to express vulnerable positive emotions and negative emotions without excessive prompting from my partner.
2. It is a value for me to speak my feelings when I recognize them, and I do this in relationships.
3. I follow through with what I say I’m going to do.
4. I mean what I say and say what I mean. I hold this as a value and strive for it even when I am unclear on what I’m feeling.
5. When discussing the possibility of becoming exclusive with a partner, I feel excited and communicate this.
6. I can keep listening and explore others’ feelings, experiences, and points of view, even when I disagree with them.
7. I communicate authentically and assertively, negotiate differences positively, allow myself to trust and be vulnerable, and can give and receive love without emotional barriers.

Emotional Regulation

1. I manage strong emotional reactions without blaming or taking it out on the other.
2. I am willing to take another person’s needs and desires into account.
3. I am willing to sacrifice some of my freedom to do things on a whim without considering the impact on another person.
4. I know my core values and stick to them, i.e., NOT sacrificing these because they would hurt or inconvenience another person.
5. Integrity and congruence—I do what I say I’m going to do and acknowledge out loud the times I don’t.
6. I can list eight feelings I experience on a regular basis.
7. I recognize when I start to overreact and understand how my past influences my present feelings.
8. Even if my emotions vary, the way I respond to them remains stable despite daily life changes.
9. My emotions are regulated by something inside me and my coping skills rather than being dictated by outside circumstances or other people.
10. I can delay gratification and wait for something I want (including from another person—i.e., to spend time with them).

Dating Skills

1. I initiate contact with people I want to meet.
2. I disengage from people who are not a match for me.
3. I keep my physical and emotional boundaries and balance my heart with my head with potential partners.

Scoring Guide + What to Do Next  

Add up your points by section to get a sense of how strong you are in each section. Check out the scoring guide below for an overall picture of your score. For a more detailed analysis, take our dating quiz. For next steps, check out our Stages of Dating guide with one of our coaches or take our courses through The Portal.

• If your score is 1-100: Dreamy Drifter 
• You might want a relationship but aren’t into the idea of putting work into a relationship. In this stage, you may either not want a relationship, have mixed and conflicting feelings, or think you want a relationship but hold the mindset that “it should be easy” and write people off for small things that shouldn’t actually be dealbreakers. You may idealize a perfect relationship, but be ultra picky when real relationships come your way.  
• If your score is 101-170: Thoughtful Thinker 
• In this stage, you are contemplating really settling into a real relationship. You’re thinking about ways to make this happen, changes you can make to yourself to be a better person and partner, and who would be a match for you. Rather than drifting and hoping for the right match to find you, you are taking some proactive steps by creating frameworks and doing some inner work. 
• If your score is 171 and above: Mindful Mover 
• In this stage, you are taking the steps to get yourself into a deeper, more meaningful relationship. This might be taking time to reflect and journal between dates, working with a dating coach, asking friends and family to set you up, enlisting a matchmaker, or simply doing deeper active reflection as you take steps towards dating. 

Journaling Self-Reflection Questions

Take a moment to answer the following questions in a journal. 

Do the quiz results resonate with you?  

After taking this quiz, how would you personally assess your readiness for commitment? 

What are your strengths and areas for growth?

These questions may seem straightforward, but they’re aren’t always. Take some time to really reflect on these questions, look at your behavior (not just your thoughts), and ask friends for their honest opinion if you’re feeling bold (be bold and ask them!) and ready yourself to receive an honest answer.

It’s important you take time to reflect and ask yourself these questions. The first question may seem easy to answer, but the last question invites further reflection. Try to write at least 10 sentences as you answer the last question in your journal.

Comments welcome below! All feedback helps us improve the accuracy of our tools. As always, reach out to us for further support from one of our online dating experts, San Francisco relationship therapists, or wellness coaches. Our dating coaches are trained to help you identify your blind spots and help you leverage your strengths to date authentically, mindfully, and intuitively. 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q: What does being "emotionally available" mean for someone in their 30s or 40s, and how can Lovewell support that journey?

A. Being emotionally available means understanding your personal values, emotional needs, and what you truly seek in a relationship. By your 30s or 40s, you’ve likely gathered life experience and a clearer sense of self, which helps in setting healthy boundaries and realistic expectations. Finding tailored resources and expert insights that guide you through self-reflection will help you further build the confidence needed to pursue meaningful connections.

Q.2 What are the challenges and advantages of dating in your 30s or 40s? How do they influence your emotional availability?

A. Dating in your 30s or 40s often comes with the advantage of emotional maturity and clearer relationship goals, but it may also include challenges like balancing established routines or navigating past experiences. Therapy and coaching address these nuances by providing strategies and tools—such as self-assessment exercises and relationship advice—that help you leverage your strengths while effectively managing the unique hurdles of dating later in life.

Q.3 What practical steps can I take to assess if I'm truly ready to date in my 30s or 40s? How can coaching assist in that process?

A. Start by reflecting on your past relationships to identify patterns and lessons learned. Evaluate your current emotional state, set clear relationship goals, and consider whether you’re ready to invest time and energy into a new partnership. Coaching, like that offered at Lovewell, supports this introspection with guided assessments and expert articles, offering a structured approach to help you determine your readiness and ensure you enter the dating scene with a healthy mindset.

Q.4 Who is LovewellSF for?

A. Our therapy and coaching services are designed for professionals 30 and up who are ready to invest in their emotional well-being, relationships, and personal growth.